Monday, August 24, 2009
What Do I write about the Quran?
Now that the Let’s Read The Quran Campaign is on, I thought that it is incumbent upon me to write something about the Quran or something Quran related. I wanted to write something about it for the past two days but my mind went blank. I could write nothing even though my friends and clients have always “complained” that I could not hold a conversation without invoking verses from the Quran or from alluding to God. That is my one of my weakness for a very longtime.
This is not the first time something like this happened. Many times before, even when I was writing for Berita Harian some years back. I could never write when I wanted to such that, I told BH not to give me a deadline to meet. Just publish when I write and they agreed. When I cannot write on Quran related topics, the following verse always pops into my mind automatically:
“High above all is God, the King, the Truth! Be not in haste with the Qur'an before its revelation to you is completed, but say, "O my Lord! advance me in knowledge." (Quran: 20.114)
Speaking for myself, when I am forcing myself to write for a “dateline” or a “task” I feel uncomfortable deep within my heart. I cannot write for any other purpose on the Quran other than circumstantial relevancy. I envy those who can write on Quran and related topics for a salary or a wage or a purpose other than to share (and self learn) the messages of the Quran. I also cannot imagine myself earning wages out of the Quran. The following verses have always been uppermost in my mind whenever I want to write or speak on the Quran:
“And verily your Lord knows all that their hearts do hide. As well as all that they reveal” (Quran: 27:74)
I do not wish to fall into the trap of the Satan that may make me write or speak on the Quran for purposes other than ‘pure’. For example, to show-off or to proclaim self-righteousness, or ‘syok sendiri’. Ego is a deceptive devil that can cause you to syirik.
“Have you seen the one who took his ego (desire) as his god, and God led him astray, despite his knowledge, and He sealed his hearing and his heart, and He made a veil on his eyes? Who then can guide him after God? Will you not remember?” (Quran 45:23)
It is a real problem, especially with knowledgeable people or people who think they are knowledgeable, they can become arrogant, egoistic and forceful in nature. That to me is worship of the ego. I sincerely have no desire to force my understanding on anyone. I consider myself a student of the Quran and hopefully, before I die I can have the opportunity to understand most of it.
So, when am I able write about the Quran?
Well, actually, almost everyday for about half hour to relax but I write it for myself. Those are not meant for the world. When I do publish articles or thoughts on the Quran, they are those that I have a deep feeling that I have to write and most of them are written from my heart. It is a kind of feeling that if I do not write or speak, I am either ‘playing safe’ or being untrue to myself or to God and that my head will soon explode.
All my life, there are many “Quran projects and religious activities" I shun from because you are expected to contribute”. My good friends sometimes find this attitude of mine exasperating. Some of them understand my fear that belonging to a “committee” or a “club” may make me like the desert Arabs who have to make an impression and become a hypocrite.
“The desert Arabs who lagged behind will say to you: "We were engaged in (looking after) our flocks and herds, and our families: do you then ask forgiveness for us." They say with their tongues what is not in their hearts. Say: "Who then has any power at all (to intervene) on your behalf with God, if His Will is to give you some loss or to give you some profit? But God is well acquainted with all that you do”. (Quran: 48:11)
Well, I am actually writing for myself trying to sort out why I cannot write. If this is published on the blog, then it is meant to be so.