Confession and Soul searching

I need to confess. Something is troubling me. If I did not believe in God, the option is easy – “survival of the fittest”. But believing in God seems to put a burden on me to think hard on what is the best course of action. It is like this.

A certain blogger, whose blog I used to visit many times before made some serious defamatory allegations about someone I know very well. I know this blogger too. Though I know that many things that this blogger has published are lies or suspect, I resisted the temptation to confront him on this “Rapera” blog. This blog is not about him. So, I decided to leave him alone here.

More important than this blogger is a friend I know, respect and love. He too has a blog and I like his blog very much. It is by far and large in sync with Quranic principles, though it does meander here and there at rare times – particularly it appears in view of the Permatang Pauh elections which has now come to be like the “red sea opening for Moses to be saved”. Or is it? Whoever wins, is our society suddenly going to be enlightened? I am not casting any aspersions on any of the candidates. Wish them all the best in this system.

But then again, I constantly remind myself that there can be no one more sinful than me, in my eyes. Everyday I seek forgiveness from God for my failings and yet I still fail however hard I try. I can only count on “He who forgives again and again” (Quran 39:5). In any case, it is for God to judge such ‘minor’ meanderings. I went to his blog today and saw that the defamer was part of the Barisan Rakyat. So I texted him:

“Just saw your blog….Mr X is also barisan rakyat? Hmmm…..Being quranic, what should I do?”

His reply was:

“Guess if you can endure the holy muslims in umno, guess I will hv to try 2……….”

And I replied:

“Fair reply. But total fitnah about someone you know? Putting all that aside, lets strive to be God’s agent wherever we are. Salam”.

I meant my reply. But I was also wondering….why the words “holy muslims in umno”. Was this sarcasm? Was this sincerely meant holy and not “holy”? But knowing this friend for years and his mode of expression, I baik sangka, or give him the benefit of the doubt that he actually meant the holy ones in umno. But I never mentioned umno in my earliest sms! I was not talking about umno or barisan rakyat. I was talking about this Mr X in barisan rakyat pictured in his blog. But the following verse was disturbing me:

“O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It
may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to
each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: ll-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong”. (049.011)

Can I not be a part of this barisan rakyat and yet recognise the defamer a defamer? And therefore disassociate myself from him? Or is it a package deal like how this system works? This friend knows very well that I have lots of friends in PAS, DAP, UMNO, PKR, etc, etc whom I love and respect. Does it mean therefore since these are friends I love and respect and therefore I must also love everything about PAS, etc? ON the other hand, there are things about UMNO and DAP that I dislike and therefore I MUST hate all members in these parties? Politics must make enemies of us? Then what good is politics for mankind????

Does it mean that when it comes to politics and social activism, we lose sight of:

“It may be that God will grant love (and friendship) between you and those
whom you (now) hold as enemies. For God has power (over all things); And God is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”. (060.007)

…..and many other injunctions in the Quran?


I do not even hate the defamer, Mr X. He has done some good things. But he must stop defaming innocent persons. That is cruel. That is not justified on any account. He must also stop giving racial nicknames. Of course he can choose otherwise. There is no compulsion in Ad-Deen ("Way of life"?).

Frankly do you think all the angels are gathered in Barisan Nasional and all the devils in Pakatan Rakyat and vice versa? Can’t you be in PAS, I in UMNO, another one in DAP, another completely non-party member, etc and work together or doing what you can? Can’t we be good people anywhere we are?

Most importantly, must we condone the devil in our party simply because it is “party solidarity”? I am not talking about others. Only about you and me. If we are not in any political party, must we then say that all those in all political parties are devils?

Is it a case of “good people” and “bad people” are defined by the political party they adhere to? By the clubs they join or do not join?

This has always bothered me – sacrificing humanity, ethics and values for political or “solidarity” sake. Merdeka is coming but I am still struggling to free my soul. You have succeeded? Tell me how.

I am such a weak mortal that while the nation is gripped with the “Permatang Pauh election, I am only deeply concerned whether my friend that I love understood me. I know. I am taken to trivialities like love, trust and truth. No wonder I am where I am! Again, if I am wrong in my views, please correct me.